she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
