Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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