you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
this hospital has no fireball
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
