Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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