If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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