You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
