i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
