I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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