So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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