She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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