guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
