Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
