she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
