I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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