So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
