it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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