all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
