You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
