WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
