I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
