I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
