It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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