shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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