Where did you get a picture of my penis
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
