well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize