why didn't you poke me back
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
