Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
