Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
