4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Too much gin, very little bucket
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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