My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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