i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
