you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
