i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
