based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
