ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
