guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
