So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
