and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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