Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
