found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
