i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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