So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize