We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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