We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
