im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
