I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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