So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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