What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Someone signed my nipple.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize