escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
