He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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