I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
