you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
